191961
Joke of the Day
"Sex jokes aren't funny I mean cum on people"
Next Joke
"Went to the opticians today leaving with them telling me my eye sight is better than 20/20. So when I say you look like a C*NT, i think i know what i'm talking about."
"Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock? I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!"
"There are TV shows literally every day so no I am not free to hang out ever."
"ME: any advice DAD: its ok to embellish a little [later at job interview] INTERVIEWER: tell me about yourself M: i wrote harry potter"
"Little Tommy took a drink But he will drink no more. For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4"
"What goes in dry and hard, but comes out, wet and soft? Chewing gum"
"Bikini season is right around the corner...But so is Chipotle"
"In the recent news of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds both passing away... ...Keith Richards, the guitarist for the Rolling Stones, has confirmed to still be alive."
"Horton Hears a who? Horton Hears a what? Horton Hears a huh? Horton hears a chicka chikca chicka chicka slim shady."