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Joke of the Day

"There are TV shows literally every day so no I am not free to hang out ever."

"*looks at you in batman voice*"

"Wife says ""sorry I have my period"". I said ""that's ok honey, that's what the colon is for""!"

"What do you call someone who just had sex with a necrophiliac? Sliad."

"I haven't pooped in a couple weeks I'm not constipated, I'm just procrapstinating"

"My food pyramid is a cup of coffee sitting on a pack of cigarettes."

"Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I'm like HOLY CRAP I'M OUTSIDE."

"How many times do you have to tickle a squid to make it laugh? ten tickles"

"*Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?"

"I stepped on a grape... and it let out a little wine."