191918

Joke of the Day

"What does Bill Gates call his manhood? Microsoft."

"What did the egg say to the boiler water? It might take me awhile to get hard, I just got laid last night."

"Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But numbers can 4/10"

"If this cat doesn't stop trying to lick my plate, we're having Chinese for dinner tomorrow."

"ME: who's a good boy!! DOG: did you just misgender me you genderphobic heteronormative piece of shit ME: what DOG: bark"

"Hey, did you hear they are opening a new bread store here in town? Just what we kneaded"

"The 2nd grade teacher asked parents to donate supplies for tie dye tshirt day but I'm not sure I can come up with that much weed by Friday."

"What do you call a broken fisherman's calculator. Something fishy that doesn't quite add up."

"I used to work for Goodyear, but I had to quit... I got too tired."

"I'm really good at acting like I'm sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it."