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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait for the stage of capitalism where we have to watch a 15 second advertisement before we remember a memory."

"What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The head nurse."

"What's the best reason to date a pornstar? You never have to meet her father."

"Been chatting and flirting with this 14 year old chick Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age."

"THE WEEKND: I can't feel my face when I'm with you DENTIST (injecting novocaine): that's kinda the point dude"

"How Germans does it take to change a light bulb? NEIN!"

"How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday!"

"Why was the Moon in a bad mood? It was just going through one of its phases."

"Checking Your Phone To See What Time It Is... And Then Checking It Again Because The First Time You Wernt Paying Attention! Awkward."

"I want my last words be... ""I didn't want these to be my last words."""