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Joke of the Day

"I used to date a chick liked it when I made her angry while we were in bed. She was into hardcore scorn."

"Imagine how quickly Breitbart would believe in climate science if they could use it to stop black people from voting."

"Elf cop:""We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf! *Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*"

"Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday"

"I Told my wife I lost 10 pounds in a hour The She said ""Sweety, we call them Dollars here"""

"What's nine inches long, has a bright purple top, and made my wife cry when I fed it to her after jamming it up her ass? Her stillbirth"

"My grandma's a thief You should see her snatch."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't pass this math class ""You held up 2 fingers just now"" Ok then give me that many reasons"

"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken."

"CIVIL ENGINEER: ok let's build stuff. UNCIVIL ENGINEER: *smashes popsicle stick bridge*"