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Joke of the Day

"What's a lesbian's favorite meal to cook? Nothing. Lesbians don't cook. They eat out."

"I always get told off when introducing my wife... Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate."

"If Monday had a face, I would punch it."

"A black guy walks into a bar, with a parrot on his shoulder The bartender looks at him and says, ""That thing is really cool! Where did you get it?"" The parrot replies, ""Detroit"""

"Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween? So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks."

"You could kidnap my mom and she'd still ask if you've eaten."

"Now 91 is waving his diaper over his head while 86 is running down the street naked with 79's pants. Working in the old folks home is hard."

"What's grey and comes in pints? An elephant."

"Shot pool with my 15yo son. Taught him a valuable lesson. You can restart a video game 1000 times. You can only lose your allowance once."

"3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: ""Privacy, please"" 3yo: ""Oh, right"" *closes door* ""Now we have privacy, Mommy"""