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Joke of the Day

"Why are New Yorkers so depressed?? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."

"ER Dr: What are you doing? Me: I'm decorating. ER Dr: Why? Me: According to my bill I live here now."

"My son- Can I have ice cream? Me- No, it's breakfast Him-The dog just pooped in the living room Me-Clean it up & you can have some ice cream"

"It's been confirmed by People Magazine that Bruce Jenner is transitioning into a woman I say good on him, at least he's got the balls to do it."

"What's the difference between sand and period blood? I can't gargle with sand."

"Why do the Lannisters have such large beds? They put two twins together to make a king."

"WHY DO BUGS KEEP FLYING AROUND YOU WHEN YOU ARE CLEARLY TRYING TO KILL THEM"

"Temperatures last night dropped into the high 80s. Flannel PJs and a heavy down comforter kept my teeth from chattering too loudly."

"People say that I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people."

"Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms."