185363

Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you set a dog's tail on fire? Hopefully arrested you sick fuck... also a Dash-hound"

"MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea DAD: yup ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol"

"Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident and called from the hospital about the four casts."

"How come there's a History Channel that tells us what happened but not a Future Channel that tells us what's about to happen? That's racist."

"Mommy, why am I getting Christmas presents in November? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

"Met a girl with 12 nipples today Sounds pretty odd, dozen tits?"

"Donald Trump is basically the villain in every anime so I assume he'll be defeated by a 13-year-old boy in short pants"

"Fat chicks don't get wet..... They get greasy"

"JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days"

"What is the name of an annoying creature that is notorious for biting humans in the tropics? Luiz Suarez."