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Joke of the Day

"What is Tony Romo's favorite lottery game? Pick Six"

"What do you call a Clinton with no legs? Doesn't matter. She won't come. Edit: oops, wrong type of Bitch."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the teeth."

"A blonde was attempting to swim across the English channel. But she got tired halfway, and swam back."

"[wife walks in on me rubbing coconut oil all over my body] What are you doing? ""Uhh, SOMEONE said I don't glisten very well?"""

"When life gives you lemons . . . demand to see life's manager."

"Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?"

"Do you think Dr. Seuss' wife liked to be called Ma? Because if so she would be a Ma Seuss."

"Helped a homeless guy move today... I picked up his vomit and threw it across the street."

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."