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Joke of the Day

"Register for a new blender on your baby registry. It drowns out the crying and makes margaritas. You're welcome."

"Why were people angry wen the chiken crossed the rd? Cus he looked one way, then another way after."

"What do you call your wife and mother-in-law when they're riding in the same car? Dual air bags."

"How did we go from crappy gas station coffee to ""Yes I'll pay $7 for you to put that in a cup for me""?"

"the worst part about a shark eating your legs off is when you realise your wallet was in your pocket"

"Yo mamma so fat she blocked everyone on facebook"

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I hadn't masturbated for a month. Seriously, when I ejaculated it was six feet. Which was unusual, as usually it's cum. Strange day."

"What do you call an angry pastry? A croissant"

"Wait a minute... Computer! Freeze this porn video! Now, zoom in 900%. Enhance... Enhance... Rotate 360 ... There! NO WEDDING RINGS!"

"Conjunctivitis.com Now that's a site for sore eyes."