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Joke of the Day

"Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!"

"Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!"

"Don't ever do that again knock know who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? .... You said you'd never forget"

"I'm all about fitness fit'ness whole burger into my mouth"

"Why did the coach go to Aldi? To get his quarterback."

"Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won't be unusual."

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"

"You name your cat Bowl. What would the name on the cat's bowl be? It would be 'Bowl' and all of your friends would leave you because you are an idiot and named your cat Bowl."

"What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours? Tire-less"

"What do you call a smart gay chemist? A homogeneous"