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Joke of the Day

"At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that's not my wifes phone number at all. She's zero fun today"

"What would a video game about an abortion nurse be called? Womb raider"

"Mariah Carey sounded horrible the other day. It was like a cannon went off in her throat."

"Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? So his wife won't get pregnant"

"Sheep A Welshman was asked how many sexual conquests he had. He began counting them................and fell asleep."

"I just ate a frozen apple! Hardcore."

"What's long, hard, and has cum in it? A cucumber. edit: words"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number; you've probably never heard of it."

"Why are there no apps for my pager?"

"Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?"