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Joke of the Day
"What did one ocean say to the other one? Nothing. They just waved..."
Next Joke
"Got let out of prison today. The warden turned and asked ""can you take any positives from your time in here?"" I smiled ""Yeah actually, the wife can't ever call me a tight arsed bastard again"""
"I've finally collected enough rats asses to give to everyone on my list."
"It sucks when you get to work early but then shit for so long that your boss thinks you came in late. I need a ""I'm Here But Shitting"" sign."
"Me: guess what I shaved! Him: your armpits? Me: no Him: your mustache? Me: no Him: your nec- Me: I don't wanna play this game anymore"
"My kids are always accusing me of having a 'favourite kid' Which is ridiculous as I don't like any of them. -Danny Zuker"
"Can't release my sex tape because an animal was harmed during filming :("
"How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4... one to drop it and three to PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UUUUUUUP!!!"
"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""
"Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."