190962

Joke of the Day

"It was Christmastime, and everyone was feeling merry.. ..so she went home. ---- I know it works better when spoken. My grandpa used to say this line every Christmas. RIP Tata, you made reddit."

"DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please."

"How do German people not choke to death when they talk"

"""When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said: 'Oh, two or three'. She wonders why her marriage didn't work."

"What's the three fastest ways of communication? Telephone, telegraph, and tell-a-woman."

"I run a rehabilitation program where we get prison inmates to write poetry to help them cope with their emotions. I call it: Prose and Cons"

"Confucius Say Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired."

"Maybe it's just me, but reading books on an iPad Mini, I really miss the smell, the heft, the traditional reading experience of an iPad 2."

"What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese phone. Wing wing, hallo?"

"Why did Dave Mirra cross the road? To go to the Gun Store!!"