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Joke of the Day
"Dark humor is kinda like food.... Not everyone gets it."
Next Joke
"Words I say when I sing along to Informer by Snow: Informer"
"I stopped fighting my inner demons; We're totes BFFs now."
"8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that's a nice way to greet me but no, just your son."
"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"
"How many teens does it take to change a light bulb 1, they stand there and wait for the world to revolve around them"
"I'll push a loaded grocery cart around for 45 minutes -- but I WILL NOT spend 5 seconds pushing an empty one back to the return area!"
"Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges. If they catch him, they estimate the trial could last 30 days."
"This Tweet has been a test of the Emergency Procrastination System."
"ancestry dot com told me my ancestors were ""A Shit Ton of Sketchy Raccoons"". bullshit. i didnt pay 50 bucks for something i already knew"