190705

Joke of the Day

"Humans are like M&M's. They might be in all different colors, but they all taste the same when you eat them."

"What do you call someone from Zimbabwe holding a bottle cap in their hand? A trillionaire."

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? The same way he deals with all his other problems. He works it out with a pencil."

"Witnessed the birth of my cousin's first child... She said we should've used a condom"

"Why did the hobbit go vegan? Because MEAT IS MORDOR!"

"What's a neckbeard's favourite element? Manga-nese."

"How many pandas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Technically, just two, but it is really hard to get them to breed in captivity."

"Where does a snowman put his birthday candles? On his birthday flake!"

"So LIGO scientists were finally able to detect gravitational waves... Don't know what took them so long. Your mom's been around for some time now, rippling spacetime."

"How does Mario talk to the dead? With a luigi board. Made this joke up about 10 years ago while trying to think of terrible laffy taffy jokes."