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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Ronda go to Prom? she got Holm schooled &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; [/r/funny told me to go here >.>]"

"i thought eyelashes were meant to keep shit out of your eye but half the time theres anything in my eye its a fucking eyelash"

"Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on."

"A beggar once asked me, ""Any change?"" I said, ""Nope. You're still broke."""

"Why Donald Trump will not release his tax returns even though it seriously jeopardizes his presidential campaign? No **Juan** should know how much money he has, country needs to build the wall first."

"My girlfriend tricked me into not having sex tonight... Talk about a missed erection. It's best if you read it out loud."

"What do you get when you cross Miley Cyrus with an alligator? A caiman like a wrecking ball."

"My Grandfather has hearing aids. He got it from phone sex."

"I could tell you a joke about sadomasochism, necrophilia and bestiality... But it'd just be beating a dead horse."

"I'm not scared I'll end up in an asylum after a breakdown. I'm scared someone will record it on their phone and I'll end up on a GIF."