190401

Joke of the Day

"Inspirational Tweet: The journey of 1,000 miles begins with ""daaaaad I have to peeeeee"""

"Did you hear about the surgeon that got sacked for having sex with his patients? It's a shame really. He was a damn good vet."

"My wife told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. I stuck it in her 3 times and punched her arm."

"Two ladies meet up for coffee... The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, ""Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."" (I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.)"

"Define Irony: redditors using the death of reddit as a way to farm karma"

"I met this girl in a club last night, I think she's a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips."

"A man sells his parachute... The man yells ""Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!"""

"Why don't witches wear panties? Better grip"

"Look I can summon Australians Have you ever, ever felt like this?"

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is antonym ME: synonym JUDGE: no you have to spell it, not give an example ME: *lips on mic* i-t"