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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. I stuck it in her 3 times and punched her arm."

"If electricity is always directing itself to the least resistant, where would it go? The French"

"How do you check the intonation of a guitar underwater? With a tuna."

"I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos but it's hard... So hard."

"""Y'know, she was actually pretty convincing."" - Me walking out of a movie where Meryl Streep plays a Chinese UFC fighter"

"Always remember your ABC's Anybody But Clinton!"

"Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks"

"Have you ever heard the joke about the three wells? ""No"" ""Well, well, well...."""

"Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream."

"Beethoven asks his audience: ""Is everyone ready to hear some symphonies!?"" The audience cheers as Beethoven exclaims: ""I can't hear you!"""