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Joke of the Day

"With today's guilty verdict Aaron Hernandez went from a tight end to a soon to be wide receiver."

"I'll bet Petr Pan lives in Nether Netherland."

"I love to watch the look of panic on my husband's face when I pull a pair of panties out of my drawer and say, ""um, these aren't mine."""

"In the 1945-6 Nuremberg Trials what should have been the opening statement from the defence counsel representing the Nazi War criminals? 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'"

"If smoking is bad for you... Why does it cure salmon?"

"If a black dude tweets the N-word... Can I RT that? What the fuck is the protocol here?"

"Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up."

"I'm not apathetic, I prefer emotionally constipated."

"I had a great idea for a courier business, run by lesbians. I'd call the company ""Lickety Split Delivery""."

"What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits untill you are 14 before it comes in your face."