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Joke of the Day

"If smoking is bad for you... Why does it cure salmon?"

"Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because there's no point in it."

"I can get into aquariums for free, because I donated a whale! I guess my ex's sister was useful for something after all."

"Surgeon: I'm unable to perform this surgery. I've only got 10,000 spoons, when all I need is a knife."

"What did Iocaste say to Oedipus when he dropped his plate? ""You dumb motherfucker!"""

"Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!"

"My wife just bought toilet paper from Costco which is great because later today we're having 3,000 people over to take a shit."

"""You look really pretty today,"" I said as I looked in the mirror, and my reflection replied, ""And you...um, you have a GREAT personality."""

"Nice shoes. Where'd you get them? Him: ... *peeks under bathroom stall* Did you hear me?"

"I bought pink cotton, but my wife wanted purple. So I killed her."