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Joke of the Day

"My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one."

"A duck wearing a shoe walks into a bar The bartender says ""Hey Duck, I think you lost a shoe"" says the duck: ""No, I found one"""

"What language do British wrenches speech? Spanish!"

"I've been suffering from amnesia. Or was it dyslexia? All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it."

"What are some good ""hate on America"" jokes from other countries? Try your best to offend me! I want something to make me go fuck, that was good."

"Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake."

"A comma is the difference between ""Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."" and ""Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."""

"Uma Thurman just got gender reassignment surgery. They're calling it 'the three-inch punch'"

"Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody."

"I slipped in the shower and almost fell... Good thing my uncle caught me"