190065

Joke of the Day

"I bet when scientists throw office parties, there's always the one guy who gets drunk and carbon dates his own butt."

"A pirate's walking down the beach.... ...when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, ""Hey Pirate! Where's your buccaneers??"" The pirate responds, ""tucked inside my buck'n hat!!"""

"You guys know Chumbawamba broke up because you kept spelling it ""Chumbawumba,"" right?"

"I can't stand those 'happy ending' massage parlors Those places just rub me the wrong way"

"I heard Tim Howard's daughters are all still virgins. Cause ain't no balls getting past him."

"4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there"

"No son, you can't go out with your friends. Tonight we're installing Windows Updates, as a family."

"What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick"

"I called my wife a hoe... Hey, she's good at gardening."

"[at bar] ""Yeah I pulled down a solid 6 figs last year."" Whoa that's impressive! ""I know, right! Can't believe I got fired by that fig farm."""