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Joke of the Day

"When idiots talk to me, I just imagine they're saying, 'I'm an idiot,' over and over. Makes it easier to nod in agreement and not get cross."

"What's the difference between a chicken and a pussy? A chicken is easier to eat if you bone it first."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To knock knock on the door, walk into the bar and change the lightbulb."

"If you accidentally get stuck holding the door for a bunch of people. 1. Relax 2. Accept your fate 3. You are part of the building now"

"All I'm saying is there's no coincidence that Superheroes come in all forms and so does cheese."

"Last day of school for my kids. For the next ten weeks, I can stop pretending math is important."

"I like my women how I like my wine... 12 years old and locked in my basement"

"Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them."

"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades. And then all your friends feel bad, because they kept yelling ""Stroke!"""

"I know people say, ""Don't bring a knife to a gun fight,"" but if there's an unsliced cake at this fight, we're all going to look like idiots."