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Joke of the Day

"I like my women how I like my wine... 12 years old and locked in my basement"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? because 7 is a registered sex offender."

"""My god, it's the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run"" *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you"

"I said I don't want to talk to you, I didn't say ignore me. WOMEN"

"If I were God, I'd totally be cool with you using my name in vain. Feel free to say, ""Oh John"" next time you're cumming ladies."

"What do you call a mexican that lost his car? Carlos"

"""""When I die, I'd like you to lower the coffin into the grave... ... so you can let me down one last time."""

"My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought ""Wow, that could have been me!"" But I can't drive a bus."

"In Soviet Russia, tired joke format tweets YOU."

"Her: OMG you're alive!!! I heard you bought the farm! ME: No no, I bought ""a"" farm. HER: but I told everyone you're dead! ME: That's fine"