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Joke of the Day

"Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don't have them, you cry about it."

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"The pessimist in me says 'the glass is half empty'... The optimist in me says 'at least it's whiskey'."
"A genius lives in every one of us. Each day more and more heavily..."
"I woke up today with a blowjob... that's the last time I fall asleep on a train with my mouth open"
"[DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD"
"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."
"What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish"
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Adair ! Adair who ? Adair once but I'm bald now !"
"No one really expected the Avatar porn It kinda just came out of the blue"
"[hardware store] Me: Let me do the talking. This is man stuff Wife: Fine Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I need a whacker thingy to hit nails"
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