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Joke of the Day

"Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say ""don't"" and if he touches your pussy say ""stop""? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said ""don't stop"". "

"You know what I love about being bipolar? NOTHING I FUCKING HATE IT!"

"I just got laid. But don't worry, I was totally thinking about you guys the whole time."

"HIM: My new girlfriend's name is ""Bella"". That means ""Beautiful"" in Italian. ME: It also means ""War"" in Latin...so good luck with that."

"Why can't you tell knock knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings"

"Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby? You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat"

"I ate at this restaurant last night. After dinner they gave us some strange cookies. I ate that cookie right away but my friends all removed a small paper message from theirs. That cost me a fortune"

"My awesomeness, is second only to my modesty!"

"Being calm is not something I rate."

"Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince."