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Joke of the Day

"I think always mixing up vocabulary words in school hurt my career options. Because I always wanted to be an archipelago just like ""Indiana Jones""!"

"How many white cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None...he fell"

"A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he's expected to be seven times as annoying about it."

"How long does it take light to travel from the sun to the earth? Not nearly as long as it would take to travel around your mom."

"1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl."

"[A snowman sees a sign for a snowblower] Oh hell yeah"

"The ""am I racist"" test First answer that comes to your mind - Whose penis is bigger, Will Smith or Yao Ming?"

"I was going to tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long. That's OK. I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

"I held the door open for a Japanese woman today and she said, ""sank you."" Pretty fucked up for her to bring up Pearl Harbor like that."

"Okay body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the ""energizing"" claims. You're soap."