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Joke of the Day

"How long does it take light to travel from the sun to the earth? Not nearly as long as it would take to travel around your mom."

"Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years."

"After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.... ...Picking up the phone, he spoke ""Hebrew."""

"Why was the Formica factory so inefficient? Everything they did was counter productive."

"God grant me the patience to accept the people whose outfits I cannot change."

"Three elephants fell off a cliff. Two fell on land. One fell in the water. Boom-boom-chhh!"

"To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird or plane... why the hell were you so excited?"

"I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it."

"To the question What are you doing here?' 72% answered negative."

"My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch."