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Joke of the Day

"According to my next door neighbor's diary I have ""boundary issues"" can you believe that?"

"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."

"Did you hear about the Mechanic who slept under the car? He wanted to wake up oily in the morning."

"Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south? Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer."

"3-year-old: *stares at the baby* What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?"

"The Holocaust Wasn't That Bad ""The holocaust wasn't that bad."" ""Of course it was!"" ""I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown."" ""Why the clown?"" ""See, no one cares about the Jews."""

"fire the chauffeur! Wife: ""I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."" Husband: ""Dear, lets give him another chance."""

"I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends."

"A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative."

"Interviewer: Why did you Leave your last job? Candidate: The Company Shifted Their Office & Didn't Tell me where it is....!!"