189594

Joke of the Day

"What's used to calculate binomial coefficients and eaten on Passover? A Paschal Triangle!"

"Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look: Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy."

"""Bye, losers."" *puts on motorcycle helmet and sunglasses* *rides unicycle into an elevator* ""Can you push the button for the lobby please."""

"The Brazil v Germany game last night... ...the most embarrassing semi since I watched Brokeback Mountain with the wife."

"Where do you find the Bible in a library? ""Fiction""."

"Don't you hate when someone without kids tells you how to parent? I think I know how much alcohol my kids can handle."

"What did the car say when it's front wheels were stolen? I don't want to go anywhere. I'm two tired."

"You know what cats don't like? Blow dryers. You know what's funny? Pointing your blow dryer at your cat. Anyway, I lost an eye today."

"Monster: Stick 'em down. Ghost: Don't you mean stick 'em up. Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business."

"[at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* ""Sir, where are the fitting rooms?"" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*"