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Joke of the Day

"[at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* ""Sir, where are the fitting rooms?"" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*"

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"""It's not what it looks like,"" I say to the bunny noticing my slippers."
"Why aren't anal sex jokes funny? Because they tend to be inside jokes."
"Just seen a Disney trailer. I've just seen a Disney trailer It said, ""A new movie from the people that brought you Up."" Flipping Heck! I never knew Mum and Dad made films."
"Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total."
"A crossfitter, a Texan, and a vegan walk into a bar. How do you know? They all tell you within 3 seconds."
"Apparently, when they say 'black tie' they expect you to wear more than just a black tie. Like I'm a mind reader."
"Why did the Console peasant cross the Road? To render the Building on the other Side"
"What breaks when you give it to a toddler? Her hips."
"Why should you never disturb a mirror? Because they are always reflecting."