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Joke of the Day

"Monster: Stick 'em down. Ghost: Don't you mean stick 'em up. Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business."

"I was walking down the road.. I was walking down the road and saw a beautiful woman, A spark flew off between us. We had passionate, amazing sex. Amazing what tasers can do these days."

"What does Sigmund Freud say comes between fear and sex? funf (it helps if you say it out loud, and understand German) :-)"

"My friends all judge me for being a heroin addict... I guess they just don't like strong women"

"On the bright side, I'm relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists."

"What is the definition of trust? Gay cannibals"

"What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl? The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back"

"What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called? I, Mac."

"If your coffee tastes like mud... It's probably fresh ground..."

"If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need."