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Joke of the Day

"""Like, 2?"" - someone in a decision-making position when asked how many outlets a hotel room should have"

"I want to die quietly in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"*discretely picks a booger* *slyly wipes it on her blouse* Funeral Director: Sir, we can see you and narrating it just makes it worse."

"Why do we drive on parkways when we park on driveways?"

"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."

"""What do we want?!"" ""TIME TRAVEL!"" ""When do we want it?!"" ""IRRELEVANT!"""

"How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight."

"What's a somali's favorite sport? Cross-country"

"What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey team? A hockey team takes a shower after three periods."