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Joke of the Day

"Branson My wife and I went to Branson, Missouri. I think our hotel caters to senior citizens because it had a free incontinental breakfast."

"ME: Is it true you can smell diseases? MY DOG: Yes ME: Well do I have any? MY DOG: Yes, you're insane ME: Wow you can smell that? MY DOG: No"

"I wish my penis felt the same way my nose currently does. Because then it too would be raw from having been blown all day."

"If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don't respond with Batman smells then I don't wanna be friends with you."

"I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now."

"Did you hear about Scrooge's drinking problem? He had a dickens of a time with spirits."

"Why don't communists ever learn? Because there are no classes."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar.. ...and doesn't"

"How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hella."

"My last relationship was a Forest Gump I was retarded and she was a whore"