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Joke of the Day

"My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists."

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"Wanted to do something patriotic today so I bought a gun and fifty Big Macs."
"I finally quit smoking because it was bad for my wealth."
"If these walls could talk, I bet it would sound like someone was trapped in the wall and we'd all freak out pretty bad."
"So the square root of -1 is performing in a Broadway show Suddenly, an audience member stands up and shouts ""I'm sure everyone will agree that i could replace you!"""
"When someone tries to tell me they can't do something, I'm like ""you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"""
"I'll do almost anything to lose weight. But exercising and eating properly is where I draw the line."
"Actually, conservation of angular momentum makes the world go 'round."
"Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving clocks forward."
"What's a gay guy's favorite news station? The BBC."