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Joke of the Day

"NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer and porn, making it very clear that men are not from Mars.."

"Ripped a mole off my face today... Gotta stop looking down gopher holes..."

"When does it Rain Money? When there's a change in the weather."

"If a problem has a solution - no need to worry. If there is no solution - then it is pointless to worry about. A fundamental principle of apathy."

"The victims of the Aurora movie theater shooting got really ripped off. They paid to watch the whole movie, but all they saw were a few clips."

"What happens when you put the batteries in backwards in an Energizer Bunny? It keeps cumming and cumming and cumming...."

"8: I'm gonna marry someone who likes a different cereal than I do, so he won't eat all my favorite cereal. Me: Sounds pretty legit."

"How did John Lennon play the bass on Helter Skelter...... .....He played with a plastic ruler at the end of a desk."

"Why does mama aardvark call her husband a cannibal? Because he ate his ant for dinner!"

"We should replace Punxsutawney Phil with Ben Bernanke... that motherfucker also never gets it right."