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Joke of the Day

"How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget? The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring."

"*gets toy out of packaging, earns engineering degree"

"Best Christmas ever. We decided to go to the casino for the day. Happy Birthday Jesus. No whammies."

"Behind closed doors, Rachael Ray prefers the sluttier olive oils."

"Jared Fogle was given 15 years in prison today... He was reportedly ok with it, and when reached for comment stated ""As long as it's under 18."""

"What's the difference between a dog and a cyclist? When you run over a dog you don't have to go back and get the GoPro."

"Just turned off porch light and saw a moth take off flying towards the moon. Good luck buddy, if you make it back, sell the story to Pixar."

"Einstein finally developed a theory about space... and it was about time too!"

"What's it called when Batman leaves the church early? Christian Bale"

"Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. ""Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."""