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Joke of the Day

"How did the cynic die? He died of liver failure. He took everything with a pinch of salt."

"[emergency room] DOCTOR: Point to what's causing you the most pain ME: I can't, they're at home playing xbox"

"How many women here think men are pigs? Let me see a show of tits."

"Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!"

"Post your best one liner Mine: Excessive masterbation is often caused by hand-gina"

"What animal is two animals at the same time? The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait."

"My friend turned up to my costume party dressed as an abacus. I knew I could count on him."

"So I listened to some LL Cool J then kept licking my lips like he does. I found myself in HR. Good thing I wasn't listening to KISS."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"Q: What do you say when a dog runs away? A: Dog-gone!"