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Joke of the Day

"[Alligator feeding at the zoo] Me: Hey let me do it Keeper: 1st time? M: Heck no *alligator takes me by the arm* I WAS JUST BRAGGING SAVE ME"

"You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop instead of stepping in it."

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."

"Using rulers for target practice has really set me back in life. I'm tired of shooting myself in the foot."

"Two Irish homosexuals Michael Fitzpatrick & Patrick Fitzmichael"

"Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs."

"Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to ""cheek his paperwork""."

"I tell this joke all the time on Reddit... ...it never gets gold."

"It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."

"What is Hitler's favorite drink? concentrated jews"