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Joke of the Day
"It's so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."
Next Joke
"What do you call a Kardassian on a boat? ...A sea Gul"
"Why don't German pessimists eat pork.... They always fear the wurst."
"What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe? A refund. credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)"
"Every time I survive a sneeze while driving on the freeway it feels like I jumped out of a plane w/out a chute and lived."
"I'm perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince...But I draw the line at kissing snakes."
"Let's simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call."
"What's mostly red and has 2 legs? Half of a cat."
"Easy way to have a relationship: 1. Buy a ship 2. Name it 'Relation' 3. ??? 4. PROFIT"
"1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl."