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Joke of the Day

"I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%."

"What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Kurt Cobain? Hitler had a reason to kill himself."

"Still haven't found the manly way to walk across ice."

"""Daddy, did you know Pluto was recently reclassified as a dwarf planet, or plutoid?"" ""Sweetie, I'm pretty sure he's a dog."""

"Guess what came in the mail today I did, I ran out of tissue."

"Chuck Norris tries this at home."

"What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce."

"Imagine yourself, you just woke-up on the street without pants & underwear, with sperm dripping from your derriere, would you tell anyone? No? So what are you doing next weekend?"

"I eat a lot of swordfish. I like to be ready in case there's a food fight."

"Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm... He tells the bartender ""let me have a drink...and one for the road."""