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Joke of the Day

"""Can't touch this."" ""Can't touch this."" ""Can't touch this."" --MC Hammer giving a Museum tour"

"[hears wife approaching while I read son bedtime story] the prince hugged the dragon..[hears wife walk away] ok, basically a retweet is whe"

"Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)"

"A duck walks into a drug store. He says ""Give me some chap stick."" The cashier asks ""Will that be cash or credit?"" The duck says ""Just put it on my bill."""

"A fondue party... But instead of bread, it's more cheese. And instead of people, it's even more cheese."

"What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippie slut? The washing machine doesn't still want you after you make it spun and put a load in it."

"""What does it mean when you see a flag flying at half-mast outside of a mostly white high school?"" They're hiring."

"A hole was found in the wall surrounding a nudist colony. The police are looking into it."

"Asian Drivers Are So Bad... that I wouldn't be surprised if Pearl Harbor was an accident"

"What animal's alphabet is just like ours? A Baby Ceel's"