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Joke of the Day

"How to propose to a stoner: Marriage ya wanna?"

"I wear Fake ""Vans""(Shoes) So I just call them cars."

"They say the camera adds ten pounds so my girlfriend only needs to lose about four or five cameras before bikini season."

"Serial killers are updating their check list now for dumping bodies: 1) will this location be discovered by Pokemon players? 2) do I care?"

"I couldn't believe it when my wife announced she was leaving me for being too lazy. Especially after I'd spent all morning taking the Christmas decorations down....."

"What do you do when you drop your favorite ska record? PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!"

"Your check a$$hole light is on."

"Him: What? I couldn't understand you. Me: gnbkfshbffjjg H: What?! Me: GNBKFSHBFFJJG! H: Damnit Aimee! Take the burrito out of your mouth!"

"If a blind girl tells you your penis is massive... ...she's probably pulling your leg (great show by Jimmy Carr tonight)"

"Q: What kind of house is easiest to pick up? A: A light house."