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Joke of the Day

"Him: What? I couldn't understand you. Me: gnbkfshbffjjg H: What?! Me: GNBKFSHBFFJJG! H: Damnit Aimee! Take the burrito out of your mouth!"

"My 10 year old just told his friend I'm cranky cus I have my ""pyramid""."

"Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !"

"Kids don't listen! I've told mine a hundred times to fall off the top of the slide during recess so we can sue the school."

"I've lost 10 pounds! Well, I subtracted five for PMS. That Q-Tip I was holding must be at least a pound. Plus my hair was wet. Go, me!"

"""You know why I pulled you over?"" ""Does anyone know why anyone's pulled over?"" ""Wow. You're free to go."" ""Is anyone free?"" ""Oh you're good."""

"Just played the new Hillary Presidency Simulator I don't know why it's called Fallout 4 though."

"Knock Knock! Who's there? Eat mop Eat mop who? Hahahahaha"

"""Daddy, did you know Pluto was recently reclassified as a dwarf planet, or plutoid?"" ""Sweetie, I'm pretty sure he's a dog."""

"What did the sushi say to the bee? WASABI. Ah, best lame joke ever."