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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer? the taste!"

"""Oh my god! That guy's dead! Oh wait, he's totally fine."" (someone watching soccer for the first time)"

"Now that China has blocked Wikipedia, they're considering replacing it with... ... Xikipedia!"

"I hate when i'm trying to blow out birthday candles and little kids try to do it with me excuse u it's not ur birthday so take a step back"

"The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room."

"My girlfriend said that me being a mime was too much, and she was leaving But I couldn't bring myself to say anything"

"What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh haven't you heard? He's dead!"

"If everyone jumped off the docks I would too. I'm a sucker for pier pressure."

"What do golfers do on nights out? **par**ty."

"I once tried to pick up a lady with a sausage joke.. ..I don't think it could have gone any wurst"