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Joke of the Day

"Friend at work hit me with this. (Sorry if repost.) If a Stork brings white babies, and a Crow brings black babies. What brings no babies? The Swallow."

"Ran into the apple store and used their bathroom .... iPeed"

"*does coke* *has unprotected sex* *smokes cigarettes* ""oh haha no I don't drink soda because it's bad for you"""

"Cinderella, but the Prince is searching for the maiden who matches the glass thigh gap."

"Is there anything better than being fit and healthy? Yes. Pizza and beer."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bug ! Bug who ? Bug Rodgers !"

"Life is about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"""The new Star Wars comes out in two years"". (Luke 20:15)."

"age 9- *jumps off fences, feels fine* age 19- *jumps off garage on a dare, feels fine* age 39- *takes Aleve cuz I ""slept funny"""

"Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery? Because he was inuit to win it"