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Joke of the Day

"Came up with this one when I was 10: what do you get when you cross an elephant and a snail? I don't know either, but it sure won't be good for your vegetable garden."

Next Joke
 
"The birds and the bees I told my son about the birds and the bees. He then told me about the postman and my wife."
"Hey guys, what's the name of that movie where Michael Cera plays a socially awkward teenager?"
"What would you do? if your uncle jack helped you down off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?"
"[date] HER: no more Scooby Doo imitations ME: ok WAITER: today's special is baby octopus ME: [Shaggy voice] zoinks HER: I'm done ME: ruh roh"
"My actual wife and my twitter wife are talking via Kik. I will be camping in the woods forever if you need me."
"What if sharks hug with their mouths? Just sayin."
"Whats the difference between an apple and a dead baby I dont come on my apple before I eat it"
"HELP! I just sent my girlfriend a dick pic... and she just sent me one back."
"Looking at a playground, how can you tell which kid is the child of a trombonist? He doesn't know how to use the slide and can't swing."