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Joke of the Day

"Hey guys, what's the name of that movie where Michael Cera plays a socially awkward teenager?"

"Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me."

"Bruce Willis is working on the 5th Die Hard movie! They should call this one ""Just kill me already!!!"""

"*hires skywriter* $1 MILLION DOLLARS OR I SKYWRITE GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS!"

"Diet and exercise pro tip: Eat only on the days you are going to have sex."

"4 dead in office shooting Boss: ""looks like they're fired"" Secretary: ""No sir, they were fired at"""

"It's HOMOsapiens, not HETEROsapiens. It's the Bi-ble, not the Straight-ble."

"(Amazingly, an original joke!) Where will they put Deadmau5 when he dies? In a Mau5oleum!"

"I bet the cooler math nerds call each other Alge-brahs."

"How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk? When it's past your eyes."