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Joke of the Day

"Recently, 218 Italian MPs signed a bipartisan bill for the legalization of marijuana...[x-post from r/trees] They're basically in joint support, for *joint* support. I'll show myself out."

"What sound does it make when you light a stick of dynamite in them middle of a sheep herd? ssssssssssss boom! baaaaaaaah!"

"Guess what I got asked at the hairdresser's earlier. Fucking everything."

"""Hey girl, are sitting on the F5 key?"" ""Because dat ass is refreshing."""

"So confused right now, don't know whether to join a gym or buy Photoshop."

"I was going to write a joke... but I'm not that funny."

"Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!"

"One liners I'm at a VFW and I want dirty raunchy one liners to tell, racism allowed"

"When life gives you Marmaduke... make marmalade."

"Isn't setting your Twitter feed to 'private' kinda like putting a velvet rope in front of an Arby's?"